Giants kicker Josh Brown admitted to physically and emotionally abusing his wife and called himself a sex-addicted "deviant" who viewed himself as "God" and his wife as "my slave", according to entries in his own journals, emails to his wife, and a letter he wrote to friends, which were obtained by SNY.
Those damning confessions came from journals and emails turned over to police by Brown's now ex-wife Molly, after the kicker was arrested in May 2015 and charged with a fourth-degree domestic violence assault, and released on Wednesday by the Kings County (Wash.) Sherriff's Office. The incident led to Brown being suspended for the Giants' season opener as punishment for violating the league's personal conduct policy.
Brown famously described the incident as "just a moment," even after police documents showed that Molly had accused him of "more than 20" instances of domestic violence. In his emails and journal entries -- part of 165 pages of documents released by the Kings County Sherriff -- he paints an entirely different picture.
"I have physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally been a repulsive man," Brown wrote in one of his journal entries. Just below that he circled the words "I have abused my wife."
Josh went even further in a letter he wrote to friends in March, 2014, apparently as part of his counseling sessions with Molly, saying his issues with his behavior towards women date back to when he was "molested as a young boy (around 6)".
"I have been a liar for most of my life," he wrote. "I made selfish decisions to use and abuse women starting at the age of 7 to fill this void. I objectified women and never really worried about the pain and hurt I caused them. My ability to connect emotionally to other people was zero. My empathy levels were zero.
"Because I never handled these underlying issues I became an abuser and hurt Molly physically, emotionally and verbally. I viewed myself as God basically and she was my slave."
In one of the documents, which was apparently signed by both Molly and Josh and called a "Contract for Change" and dated March 28, 2013 -- more than two years before Josh was arrested -- Josh makes it clear exactly how he abused Molly. There are eight items listed in the signed contract, including "I have physically, verbally and emotionally abused my wife Molly," "I have controlled her by making her feel less human than me, and manipulated her with money" and "I have disregarded my step sons' feelings and they have witnessed me abusing their mother."
The contract also said he "viewed pornography on a consistent basis to manage my desire for physical contact." Josh writes several times in the emails and journal about his addiction to sex and pornography. In one email he wrote "I developed into a sexual deviant that viewed sex as a sport all most (sic)."
In many of the emails and journals, Josh seems to be apologetic and often filled with self-loathing for his actions. In an email dated May 11, 2013, he also appears to again admit to physical violence, writing "I am sure there were several moments of panic for the boys and wondering if they were in a safe place with me. I am sure you were afraid to tell me how you truly felt because you feared my reaction. … I have struck fear in your heart and not love, compassion or friendship. From the bruise on your leg when we argued … to the zipper that caught you last April. I am ashamed and disgraced to call myself a husband."
The Giants declined comment on these latest revelations through a team spokesman. Back in the summer, Brown was publicly supported by Giants co-owner John Mara and coach Ben McAdoo, who said he supported Josh "as a man, a father, and a player." It was not immediately clear if either the Giants or the NFL had seen any of these new documents as part of their investigations into Brown's arrest.